Rock, Paper, Scissors
by An Eccentric Caffeine Addict
Summary: Sasuke, the great Private Investigater of ANBU, finds himself partnerd up with the new guy, Naruto. Could his life get any worse? Of course it could. He's having weird feelings for the new guy now. SLASH: SasuNaru
1. The New Guy

**A/N: **Sooo, my first NaruSasu fic...ness. Sasuke is totally a drama queen and loves all things emo, so be warned. (Am I doing the seme-uke thing right...it's seme before uke or the other way around?)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. Just the story line of my fic.**  
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**Rock, Paper, Scissors**

_The New Guy_

**ANBU Private Investigations Headquarters**

I sat at my desk, scanning my room rather than reading the file I was supposed to be. My feet lay on my desk and I held the file but hadn't even read one word beyond: Robbed.

_A man had been robbed, boo-hoo. Who cares, I certainly don't._ He'd live but I just _couldn't_ keep living. I am in a room that doesn't even have the slightest bit of darkness to it. Kakashi, my boss, has forbidden it. He said, "No thick layers of dust, no spider webs, no lacey black things." I mean come on! How was a man, and quite a handsome one at that, as myself supposed to live without my personnel touch of dark to my office.

My ENTIRE family, extended and all, were dead all at the hands at my Mafia obsessed brother, Itachi. Oh how I wanted a case with him involved, Him and his _Akatsuki_. They fucking wore DRESSES! D-R-E-S-S-E-S and pranced around murdering people for money. Oh, how it disgusted me.

I _needed_ darkness to fill the void he had left and to show all that I was indeed the emoest of them all. Sadly my mirror, exported from the Mist City (best mirrors in the world), didn't tell me if I was emoest of them all, but I would live. I mean _no one_ else had lost their entire family at the hands of their trans-sexual brother.

I sighed, looking back at the file…It seemed to have a fair bit of dust on it…I glanced around for any sign of Kakashi. Then I grabbed my little black handkerchief, that's right it was black because white just doesn't give off the whole 'I'm emo, pity me' vibe. I had just put the handkerchief on the file when Kakashi hollered, "NO DUST!" I glared at no one in particular and damned the accursed man.

"I can't do this! Arg!" I had just had an argument with Kakashi which had landed me in a bit of a tight spot. I had a feeling that the new guy who we had been expecting of lately would have some sort of close tie in with me. I'd either be his mentor, which I didn't mind, since I would make the best of mentors…Or the worst thing that could happen to me right now. Kakshi could partner me off with guy…_Ew_. _That could possibly ruin my image!_

"Saskue, read the damn file!" Kakashi hollered out of nowhere. I looked up, and glared in the direction of the voice. _I need a better assignment than this…He was robbed, so what? That happens all the time! They get robbed, come complain to the ANBU and that's that. God damned people._

I grunted in response, quite sure the silver haired man had heard seeing as he had strange listening and seeing abilities. I glanced back at the file I was holding and brought my feet so they met the floor rather than the paperwork situated on my desk.

I glanced at it, reading over what had happened. It was then that Kakashi entered my room. "New guy's here."

I controlled his sudden urge to go and smack the silver-haired man for ever thinking about getting a new guy in the company. I _hated_ new guys. A prime example would be that other angsty guy that worked at ANBU P.I. What was his name….? Oh yeah, _Negi_. That guy just wouldn't give up on trying to look more emo than me, but of course he failed every time.

I got out of my seat, tossing the case aside. I didn't plan on doing anything about it anyways, so who cared if it fell to the ground and scattered all over the floor.

Kakashi sighed at my actions but left his office to get to the _New Guy_. I followed, rather reluctantly. I didn't want to meet him but I had, to so I could make sure that I was still the _top_ dog.

As I stepped out of his office I watched Negi walk past, tossing his hair to the right…_I guess long hair gets in the way of the emo flip_.

I flipped my hair so that it got out of my eyes and Negi almost growled. I smirked smugly and went off in the direction of Kakashi's office.

I stepped into the boss's office to find a bright blonde head reflecting all the light in the room off his hair. I fought the urge to cover my eyes.

"Sasuke, meet Naruto."

_Naruto…he already sounds annoying_.

I glared at the flock of yellow right before he turned around and smiled widely. I felt my eye twitch because of the immense happiness on the guy's face. _Was he an alien?_

"HEY!" The boy screamed getting out of his seat to greet me. He extended his hand but I was in fear of catching his disease, toomuchhappinitis. It would ruin my image, an image I spent so many years perfecting. I didn't want to touch his hand but I saw Kakashi give me his, _"Do it now,"_ look. I slowly and with a slight tinge of fear, took his hand and shook it but quickly let go.

"Hi." My response was short. I didn't want to talk to the blue-eyed freak show, however pretty he happened to be…._Wait! WHAT DID I JUST SAY!? Er…think…_

My face suddenly felt red but I quickly hid it underneath my usual angtsy mask of glory. The blonde turned around to look at Kakashi. "Can he not smile?" He asked. I glared harder at the guy at his comment. Of course I could smile, why else would the ladies be after me. My smile was so beautiful that it could blind the people who saw it.

Kakashi chuckled, "I've wondered the same thing Naruto." I turned my glare at Kakashi, the nerve of that guy.

"Well, both of you have a seat." Kakashi moved his hand towards two seats that sat in front of his desk. I saw his perverted book sitting on his desk. Why did he get to add his little touch to his office and not me! The hypocrite! I glared harder at him and 'humphed' as I sat down in my seat.

As if reading my mind he retorted, "I'm the boss, if I want my book, I get it. You don't get your black lacey things 'cause I say so. Besides…you just get carried away _all_ the _time_." Sasuke _hated_ him, HATED. He wanted to growl but then the new guy wouldn't think to highly of him. Not that he cared what the Dobe thought…_Dobe…I like it_._ Sasuke you're a genius_!

"The reason I've called you here Sasuke is because I'm partnering you up with Naruto." My eyes widened.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" I roared. I was on my feet and looking fiercely at the old, grey-haired idiot.

"Sasuke how many times do I have to tell you, no swearing. You're the only one without a partner —"

I cut him off, "I don't need a fuckin' partner! I'm fine on my own." I growled, remembering that I had a "dark, didn't talk that much" image to withhold.

Kakashi sighed, "Sasuke you're being partnered off. I don't care. We all need a partner. The Akatsuki travel in pairs. It'll take two of you to take them down, even if you do have the best gun aim in the entire city."

I wanted to strangle the guy, instead I looked over at the puppy I would have to take care of. My nose scrunched up in disgust. He had _no_ sense of style what-so-ever. I mean who the hell wore bright orange _jump suits_? He reminded me of the bushy eyebrow guy, who wore the green jump suit. Something told me, I was definetly not going to like this guy.

Than again, I didn't really like anyone. But what was with the, him being "pretty" comment?

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** A/N:** Yes, so this is the extremeness of Sasuke OOC! YAY!! Actually they all seem OOC...BUT THAT'S THE FUN OF IT! WH00T! Yes, well, hope you guys enjoyed. Review my darlings and make me smile! 


	2. Pretty? More Like Annoying

**A/N:** I GOT TWO REVIEWS FOR THIS BABY! YAY! I love you guys:love, love, love: So I hope you like this part too.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto, just the plot of this story.**  
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**Rock, Paper, Scissors**

_Pretty?_ _More Like Annoying_

**ANBU Private Investigations Headquarters**

I left Kakashi's office ready to murder him. Actually I think I would had it not been for the fact that _he_ was following me close behind. He had said that he knew I wasn't going to give Naruto enough of my office space so he was coming along to make sure it was even.

I honestly couldn't believe these people, I was the best ANBU P.I in years, yet they treated me like dirt. I _deserved_ my own office with pretty black lacey things and all! The blonde was walking beside Kakashi asking him ridiculous questions.

"So, I have to share an office with the grouch?" He asked Kakashi for what seemed like the tenth time.

"Yes." Kakashi replied, seeming aggravated. I smiled, he deserved it but I could have done without the consistent yapping.

"And I can't have my own office?" He persisted.

"No." Kakshi answered. _Ugh!_

"Why not? I think I deserve my own office!" He exclaimed.

"So does he," Kakaski responded. I could feel him pointing at me. My eyes narrowed into a glare.

"So what? He seems like a pain in the arse. I don't want to share a fricking office with him." The blonde seemed to be scowling. I wanted to wring his little neck.

"Will you shut-up!" I said, annoyed.

"Who says you can make me shut up you sour-puss!" Naruto shouted back.

"Both of you shut the fuck up!" Kakashi bellowed. His left hand went to his head and he rubbed it in pain. _Ha! He had a headache! Serves you right you old bat!_

Although, I could feel one coming on myself. The new guy was a fucking pest.

I 'hmphed' and continued walking until my office came up. I opened the door and saw my desk with paper scattered all over it. I needed to clean up, it went with my image, otherwise I would never have kept a tidy office.

"Alright, Naruto we'll move in a desk so that it sits on that side," he paused to point to the left by the only window in the room. I growled. "I don't care Sasuke. And you two listen up, if I get any commotion out of this room, I'll throw you both out of the ANBU." With that Kakashi left the room, striding out in an tired manner.

I glared at Naruto. I glared at the very fact of his existence. I glared at him for all it was worth.

He yawned and walked right past me.

I could feel the incredulous look on my face and couldn't believe that he had just _yawned_ and _walked_ past _me_. "The views nice." He mumbled looking out the window and tilting his head to the side. I starred at him, the thoughts of him being pretty swarming right back into my head. _He's not pretty!_ I screamed. (In my head of course). He turned around and scowled at me. I scowled right back. No one could beat me at scowling; it was part of the trade.

"What do you want?" I spat at him.

"Where's my desk you jackass?" He answered me with his own question.

"Get it yourself Dobe." I used the nickname I had thought for him.

"Dobe? Who the fuck do you think you are calling me something so stupid?!" He screeched.

"I," I paused so I could smirk at him, "Am the greatest ANBU to ever set foot in the world. So shut the fuck up and leave me alone."

His fist clenched and he glared hard at me. I went on smirking. Oh the joys of being better than everyone else.

"You asshole. I wouldn't even want to talk to you if I didn't have too!" He walked past me the second time and right out the office. I glared, how was I going to last with this annoying guy around all the time? What's worst, my lone guy image is going to get ruined.

I sighed from the day's events and glanced over at my desk. Ugh, I had to clean it and so I did. I went over and started to take the pieces of paper and putting them into the appropriate files and piles. By the time the blonde was back my desk was nice and clean and robbery case was back in my hands and I continued ignoring it.

He was walking in with the desk but with the help of the green jump suit wearing freak. Naruto held one side while Rock Lee, I think, the other end. They brought the desk in and placed it by the window. "Thanks, bushy eyebrow guy!" Naruto exclaimed.

"It's Rock Lee!" He yelled, exasperated.

"Sorry dude, but thanks for the help!" Naruto grinned.

Rock Lee gave his, _"I'm so cool"_ smile: one he gave _way_ too much seeing, as he wasn't cool at all. "No problem!" With that he waved at Naruto and left the office.

Naruto looked at his desk and then left the office again, only to come back five minutes later with a rather comfy looking chair. I refused to talk to the idiot. At least that way I didn't run the chance of catching his idiotitis too. I looked at the robbery case, wanting so badly to throw it out the window and forget it ever existed. Robbery cases were always so boring and the people who got robbed were always those crazy, possessive types. They would go all, "Oh my things! They were so valuable!" when they lived in some crappy looking shack, they called a house.

Naruto hadn't said a word the entire time he was in the room with me, he just shuffled about his desk, looking at it from different angles to make sure it looked good where it was.

I glanced at the clock above the door, both hands nicely sitting at the one. I could do with some lunch just about now. I got up, only to catch Naruto's gaze at the file in my hands.

"What?" I said in my,_ "Stop looking at me," _voice even though he wasn't…at me.

"The file, is that our first case?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's a robbery. I can handle this one myself, so you just keep your nose out of it."

"Oh fuck-you. We're partners no matter how much you and I hate it. I'm in the case so don't make me shove my foot up your ass, you cocky son-of-a-bitch."

"You think you _could_ shove your foot up my ass!? I would have you lying on the ground with twenty bullets rammed in your chest before you were even anywhere near me." I snarled.

He glared at me so hard I thought his face would contort into some hideous shape, which would have sucked, seeing as he was pretty. There it was again! The pretty thoughts! What the fuck was wrong with me?

"Want to test that theory out?" He said, disgusted. Before I could answer, I heard another voice.

"SASUKE!" I suddenly felt like hiding. "Oh, Sasuke! My cat got lost again!" Naruto looked at my expression and the direction of the voice confused.

"I need to hide!" I said quickly, looking around the room when my eyes landed on a newly placed object. Naruto's desk. I ran towards it and was quickly under it. I sighed in relief until Naruto started.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"SASUKE!!"

Why was my life so complicated? The pink menace was on the way and the yellow nuisance was going to give me away. I sighed in aggravation.

It was then that I heard her voice louder. "Who are you!?" She yelped at Naruto, who I'm guessing was staring at her going, "What the fuck?"

"I'm Naruto. Who're you?" He replied.

"Sakura! Where's Sasuke and what're you doing in his office! And why is there another desk in his office!?" Sakura really didn't know when to shut up.

"I'm his new partner you creep! Now go the fuck away!" For the first time I felt some another emotion towards Naruto. Gratefulness. And I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him.

"Excuse me?" Sakura bellowed.

_Damn her! Naruto don't tell her where I am, don't tell her where I am…_I prayed as I sat under his desk, feeling slightly stupid.

"Look girl, I don't have time for clingly little freaks," he said, bored of the girl already. I sighed in relief, hoping that maybe she would leave.

"I don't care who you have time for! I'm here for Sasuke not you, you ugly piece of shit! And I don't plan to go until I see him!"

I mentally groaned, at her last few words but was quite angry at the ones before. He wasn't…dare I think…_ugly_. This whole pretty thing was really getting to me now.

_Maybe I should get out from underneath the desk and just confront her, but I really don't like her…_

As I pondered, I heard Naruto's response. "Who're you calling ugly! Your forehead is as big as your ass, you bitch! Now get out before I chuck you out the window!"_ Wow_.

I could almost picture Sakura's face, hanging open in shock. I smirked in amusement.

After a long pause of what I think was the amount of time where Sakura was speechless, I heard the jump suit wearing Dobe's voice. "Well? You leaving or do I have to throw you out the five floor window?"

"Urg!" She screeched and then I heard her footsteps stomp down the hallway. I sighed and crawled out from underneath Naruto's desk, grateful that she had left.

I could feel Naruto's gaze on me. "You're such a fucking loser."

"Fuck off!" I retorted back.

He just shook his head at me and walked out of the place.

I stared at the door for a few minutes before following. _What? I'm hungry, it has nothing to do with him…I think_.

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**A/N:** Naruto seems _mature_...AHH! THE HORROR:hides under her chair: Well...I'll let you all know that I have nothing against Rock Lee, I actually quite like him. But I _hate _Sakura, so expect a lot of Sakura bashing. :smile: Annnnd, review, it really makes me smile. Like this morning when I found two sitting in my mailbox. I was giddy. 


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